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While laying in bed attempting to go to sleep, my mind recklessly wanders. Until the age of 6 or 7, the wandering frequently lead to visualizing the universe which consequently lead to how, relatively, insignificant my singular unit is; which lead to crying and nightmares. I never shook the feeling of insignificance or insomnia but I did learn to avoid mentally stargazing in the wee hours of the night.
Around 12, I began actively seeking knowledge that contradicted popular opinion. I was the enigmatic kid that went to the mall, after school, with everyone else but ended up in the library, cuddled up in a chair. By 15, I discarded most of the beliefs and wives' tales that I was predisposed to. I credit my mother for that. She definitely had her opinions but most of the life lessons she taught me were based on tolerance and individuality instead of religion and expectations. During my research, I read that religion is sustained by humans' inherent fear of non-existence. I incorrectly reasoned that this explained my fears of being inconsequential. So, I decided to do two exercises. In both exercises, I laid on my bed with my eyes closed and ensured that I was as comfortable as I could be.
One exercise was intentionally practicing the visualization and realization that previously terrified me. The other was visualizing death in various forms. I forced my imagination to fluidly and slowly include all of my senses with both exercises. I also ensured the exercises transcended time which caused each session to last between 0.5 and 3 hours.
During and occasionally before this period in my life, I was very temperamental and aggressive. An argument and attempt to fight with a friend led to that friend saying some of the most important words I've heard in my life. We remained friends with no ill will; save the fact that he refused to engage in the action that caused the argument.
Reactions
The universe exercise no longer frightened me but still bothered me and proved to me that I am nothing. The death exercise did help me accept death, although, I have no opinion about the afterlife. Basically, I did not want to be attracted to religion because of an internal fear. I also realized that my fear of nothingness was irrelevant to my fear of being nothing. I overcame both fears but the feeling of being nothing remained, which I recognize as a fact that I am comfortable with. The argument with my friend caused me to realize that events in life are not as serious as the appear. These realizations lead to many more revelations.
Beliefs
We should all aspire to be great but we should accept that we are nothing. Think of the most important person, from your perspective, and count the wonderful things they accomplished. It's amazing isn't it? Think of how many people they directly affected by their accomplishments. How many will benefit from those accomplishments within the next 50 years? 500 years? 5000 years? How many will know they have benefited, from said accomplishments, at each of of those time intervals? How many negative consequences, such as animals dying, people impoverished, arguments started or even wars launched, will occur during those time spans? How will those feats affect our solar system, the universe or a parallel universe? That's my point. I aspire to be great but greatness is a relative term; so, I have to remember that I know nothing therefore I am nothing regardless of how "great" I am.
I never want to take a human life because the cause will never equal the result. If someone murders the person I love the most, the potential good that the murderer and I can bring to humanity outweighs the potential good the murdered person can bring to humanity. It's a sad truth and definitely not absolute because the murderer or I can potentially wreak havoc on civilization. In that scenario, I'm am not an impartial judge nor a diverse jury so it would be foolhardy for me to believe that I could accurately decide someone’s fate. This realization derived from my previous realizations that life should not be taken so seriously and that I am nothing. I cherish my life but I have learned that each weapon, in a scenario, further complicates that scenario for everyone involved. If someone approaches me with a weapon, the best I can hope for, by not carrying a weapon, is that both of us survive and the worst that will probably happen is that I will lose my life. That's still better than the alternative. Also, I have achieved peace and I believe that the one, between the two of us, that has not achieved peace should stay alive so they will have more time to do so.
While laying in bed attempting to go to sleep, my mind recklessly wanders. Until the age of 6 or 7, the wandering frequently lead to visualizing the universe which consequently lead to how, relatively, insignificant my singular unit is; which lead to crying and nightmares. I never shook the feeling of insignificance or insomnia but I did learn to avoid mentally stargazing in the wee hours of the night.
Around 12, I began actively seeking knowledge that contradicted popular opinion. I was the enigmatic kid that went to the mall, after school, with everyone else but ended up in the library, cuddled up in a chair. By 15, I discarded most of the beliefs and wives' tales that I was predisposed to. I credit my mother for that. She definitely had her opinions but most of the life lessons she taught me were based on tolerance and individuality instead of religion and expectations. During my research, I read that religion is sustained by humans' inherent fear of non-existence. I incorrectly reasoned that this explained my fears of being inconsequential. So, I decided to do two exercises. In both exercises, I laid on my bed with my eyes closed and ensured that I was as comfortable as I could be.
One exercise was intentionally practicing the visualization and realization that previously terrified me. The other was visualizing death in various forms. I forced my imagination to fluidly and slowly include all of my senses with both exercises. I also ensured the exercises transcended time which caused each session to last between 0.5 and 3 hours.
During and occasionally before this period in my life, I was very temperamental and aggressive. An argument and attempt to fight with a friend led to that friend saying some of the most important words I've heard in my life. We remained friends with no ill will; save the fact that he refused to engage in the action that caused the argument.
Reactions
The universe exercise no longer frightened me but still bothered me and proved to me that I am nothing. The death exercise did help me accept death, although, I have no opinion about the afterlife. Basically, I did not want to be attracted to religion because of an internal fear. I also realized that my fear of nothingness was irrelevant to my fear of being nothing. I overcame both fears but the feeling of being nothing remained, which I recognize as a fact that I am comfortable with. The argument with my friend caused me to realize that events in life are not as serious as the appear. These realizations lead to many more revelations.
Beliefs
We should all aspire to be great but we should accept that we are nothing. Think of the most important person, from your perspective, and count the wonderful things they accomplished. It's amazing isn't it? Think of how many people they directly affected by their accomplishments. How many will benefit from those accomplishments within the next 50 years? 500 years? 5000 years? How many will know they have benefited, from said accomplishments, at each of of those time intervals? How many negative consequences, such as animals dying, people impoverished, arguments started or even wars launched, will occur during those time spans? How will those feats affect our solar system, the universe or a parallel universe? That's my point. I aspire to be great but greatness is a relative term; so, I have to remember that I know nothing therefore I am nothing regardless of how "great" I am.
I never want to take a human life because the cause will never equal the result. If someone murders the person I love the most, the potential good that the murderer and I can bring to humanity outweighs the potential good the murdered person can bring to humanity. It's a sad truth and definitely not absolute because the murderer or I can potentially wreak havoc on civilization. In that scenario, I'm am not an impartial judge nor a diverse jury so it would be foolhardy for me to believe that I could accurately decide someone’s fate. This realization derived from my previous realizations that life should not be taken so seriously and that I am nothing. I cherish my life but I have learned that each weapon, in a scenario, further complicates that scenario for everyone involved. If someone approaches me with a weapon, the best I can hope for, by not carrying a weapon, is that both of us survive and the worst that will probably happen is that I will lose my life. That's still better than the alternative. Also, I have achieved peace and I believe that the one, between the two of us, that has not achieved peace should stay alive so they will have more time to do so.
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